well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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