You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
