im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
