I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
