whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
