Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
