its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Houston, we have a squirter
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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