did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize