Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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