I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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