Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
