she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dignity is for republicans.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
