3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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