brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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