I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
