Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
