I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
