happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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