i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize