WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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