I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
