last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize