I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize