If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
