how can u be prego again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
