I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
