I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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