Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
