My liver just broke up with me...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
