We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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