just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
