stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
