My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
