puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is her dick bigger than yours?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
