How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
