I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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