Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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