i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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