keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
