No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
