What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
