I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I understand Curling. That high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So many bounce houses so little time
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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