I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can you bring me the toilet please
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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