a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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