Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize