i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
