We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
