My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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