One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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