Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I look better un-naked...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
