It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
