8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
