We're like a lot better than the average bears
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
