I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
