trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
