clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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