im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
pop tarts are not kleenex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
