Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
