i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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