so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
