My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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