I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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