do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
